ice queen

what a night. ugh. i barely slept at all.

this medicine is messing my already messed up sleeping schedule. the only positive thing out of this whole sick ordeal is that i've lost most of my appetite. sighs. that's not good enough, though. i hate being sick with a passion. it always seems worse for me than other people. i think it's because i have a moderately weak immune system, compounded with the fact that i take way too many pills for my good to ease the 'pain'. heh. i'm such a wuss. i finally got that doctors appointment, though..(only 5 hours away)..yay!

continuing on.

i was going to start working on my new site this week. i don't feel well enough to start on it, though, and my creative juices aren't up to par. i need inspiration. i need digital camera batteries... blah. twenty dollars, just for batteries, i tell ya. people nowadays. like i have the funds for that.

so uh, i was thinking. no wait, i don't know. or maybe i do. i'm not sure. see what happens when i think? i had too much time on my hands lastnight. i thought too much. i need to talk to a particular person soon.. i've been telling myself this for days now. this would like, decide some things for me. oh yes, karina, always the unknowing.

different events play into different circumstances and reactions.

i've created a few of those, all my own.

(clicks tongue)

i must face the music. scary thought, let me tell you. especially if the tune is not to my liking.

i think i overuse metaphors in here. heh. all the more to confuse you/myself. or rather blind what i'm trying to say. or uh, something.

god, i'm hopeless.

it would seem as if my attitude towards most things as of late have been nonchalant. things that i would like/dislike with a passion are now only met with indifference. why is this i wonder? i'm becoming the ice queen people have humorously nicknamed me.

no emotion. no feeling.

i think it's there. i just choose to ignore it. i don't feel like giving it the time or day to sink into me. to do that would.. ugh. nevermind. i hate being vulnerable.

i think that's all it is. i'm taking a break from vulnerability. emotional injury sucks. besides, this is only a phase. it won't last that much longer.

...

i love how i try to rationalize the irrational.