waiting for orgasms

desensitizing myself to the obvious truth. i count the months that fly by and am silently content to be further from the pain i always seem to be running or escaping from. a sad sort of acceptance. a numbed happiness with fleeting moments of true intensity. and then hold it back because those types of things never last for long. but relish in it quickly.. write it down, take a picture, try and re-live it again knowing it will never be as amazing. i live for those rare moments that remind me why i choose to be alive.

i lived for you and then chose to live for myself. i'm still trying to understand why. sometimes i wonder what about me is worth living for. i don't mean it in the way it sounds. all i mean is that i've known for a while that there is some purpose for me to be here. i'm just waiting for that purpose to reveal itself before it's too late.