perception on love

so i'm with my friend, sitting outside in the dark, cold, wind blowing and all, just listening to him rant.

maybe rant is too harsh a word.

he's mad at the world. mad at me too. for whatever reasons..

i just listen, though. i guess i owe him that much.

hmm.

i wonder how people really perceive me.

i don't think i would want to know if i truly knew the answer. i really don't think i would..

anyways.

it's interesting to know how different peoples outlooks on love are.

love.

how carelessly we throw that word around nowadays. "i love him!" yeah right. you're either infactuated or have convinced yourself of that.

that also brings upon the question of what kind of love you really feel for a person. loving someone and being in love are two different things.

love.

i don't go throwing that word around to just anyone. if i tell you i love you, then that's the truth. i think that's why people get mad at me when they tell me that and i don't return the statement. i don't think they really love me at all. maybe some sort of temporary feeling inside of them thinks that, or has twisted some other feeling and have mis-perceived it as such.

love lasts. it doesn't come and go in the breath of a second. it stays. it digs itself in your veins until you can't help but feel it.

love.

i love many people, but to say i have been in love.. well, i look at it like this: there have been very few people i would say i loved even remotely in that way. truth be told, there has only been one. but i don't even look at it like being "in love". i look at it in the way that i have loved someone to the greatest extent i am capable of. whether or not that is being "in love" or whatever, i don't know. classify it as you will.

i have never been one to think myself in love. in fact, if i even came remotely to that conclusion, i would always tell myself i wasn't. i'm not emotionally capable of that. i really don't know if i am.

i'm also very fickle with my affection. in one way, i want it, but i deny myself of it. i'm not ready to handle it. in most cases, i make myself think of it as casual. i don't allow it to penetrate into my "heart" too much.

i'm too skeptical of people, i think.

i hope this entry doesn't offend anyone.

so, in conclusion, i can only love someone to the highest extent my being will allow. i don't like to classify love. when i tell you i love you, take it as the most sincere thing i could say to you. because when i say it, i really do mean it.

love is pure. it's the most selfless thing you could feel, i think. you can't classify it. it just is.

why i typed this all out, i don't know.

it's just how i feel.