an assertation of will over matter

i don't know what it is i'm looking for; something new, something exciting, something different.. just something, anything, that will fill up the space in my mind--give me something to ponder, to reflect on--because this grayness that currently fills just isn't enough right now, and older avenues have lost their luster. it's been too long and i can't wait any longer. i'm ready to take the first plunge, even if ruin is all that awaits me.