safeway wasn't so safe

going to safeway in the morning always brings back those memories. and that cashier... he always looks my way, watches my movements. he remembers what i would choose to forget. how far it must look that i've come.

tripping on acid and wandering the aisles like lost children is what it must have looked like. that night only solidified in my head that he was lost with no direction. but i chose to be lost with no direction with him.

the question that continues to haunt me... is why?

maybe there is no elusive truth to all of this. maybe i was just high off my ass and lonely and wanted to fix in someone what i couldn't fix in myself.

or maybe there is some reason that i went off that paven path into darker and unfamiliar territory. maybe that darkness i try to run away from isn't behind me but is instead inside of me.

last night he made a statement about people who have good energy. for whatever reason it struck me as important to see what he considered as those with dark energy. it was harder for him and for me to answer.

what strikes me about that conversation now is that it scares me that i might have some of that darkness in myself.

maybe not dark, but lost.

almost 26 and still trying to find my way.

but there is no jesus in this tale... there is no jesus this time.