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mar 28, 2008 10:17 a.m. i dreamt you crossed the ocean i save all of his voice mails. i listen to them from time to time just to remember. the good, the bad. i hate him and i love him. i don't feel anything at all towards him. maybe i saw too much of myself in this man. maybe through him i tried to save myself. and through him i failed. i failed so miserably. i can open the door but you must walk through it. i can't seem to close it though. not yet, not just yet. but each moment it stays open the weight of this door pulls me in. closer and closer i became more like you. and it disgusted me. fast forward to the present. all the colors seem a little faded, slightly monochrome, maybe a bit blurred. i treasure this lack of feeling though. this lack of extreme emotion and na�ve attachment is comforting when so much emotion was exerted in such a small span of time. i just am and it's nice not to have to question that. i am a little more careful now, a little more wary. a little more broken, a little more damaged. everything happens for a reason. i've always said this ^. i'm just left picking up the pieces wondering why. |