Everyone disappoints you; even yourself

I listened to the comedy show that wasn't so much comedy as truth. Anger and nothing gave me drive. It drives me still. I remember thinking, "What do we even have in common?" and I knew I was right. But still I made that decision. The other one pushed me onto him for his selfish reasons. I obliged for my own. I wanted it to work. But they never do. I watch longingly at other couples happy, wishing I had that and not pretending. I think I was born to struggle, to strive, to say, "Fuck you mother fucker", because I will never let anyone own me again. But I have. And that's what hurts so much.