groggy but waking

i have been noticing a shift in my thinking.. a slow shift, but a bump in the road to my staunch "must be tough and resilient as always" type of assumed living.

i mean, that defense mechanism is still in effect, but there are moments of question, and moments of peace that are seductive in a way that the pain was not.

i don't know what is to happen or what is to come. all i know is that if there is an easier way to engage with this life than i'm all ears.