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oct 12, 2009 8:06 p.m.

aborted hugs

i cringe when i read these old entries and listen to those old songs. i tell myself i'm not that same girl i once was. if i had known back then what i know now...

i didn't realize what a dangerous world this was. i knew it was painful, yes. pain i knew and i was somewhat comfortable in that pain. i thought i knew pain and i did. if only i had known how painful life could really be, though. i could have defended myself better. i left myself so helpless to the onslaught that nearly consumed me...

i would rather be free and take that risk than be held down or imprisoned. i escaped my childhood but couldn't escape my mind. i changed my name but couldn't change myself.

i'm glad i had the support of certain people in my life. life could have been far worse. i was one of the lucky ones. scathed and scarred but alive.

when he met me he told me i had old, sad eyes. i was 15 at the time. i wonder what he would think if he saw my eyes now.

< frozen - melting >