memento

yellow yellow yell oh!

and then white white WHY?

you sniff and then cough, because the two should go together. you drink your coffee. you take that ritalin. you combine and sometimes are productive. happy but not ecstatic. relieved perhaps?

i don't know.

is this what life is really about?

i don't know.

i remember a time when all i used to do was remember. i forget more things now. i don't even try and retain those thoughts, those memories. why? who cares anymore? it's all become distorted in my mind. i only dream small fragments now and again. the nightmares that will always plague me. except i'm more empowered now, more capable. i am now--i meant not (freudian slip?)--that weak waif i once was. not in the same way i was at least.

and so i chug chug chug

memory is one of the least reliable accounts of past events. i figure the less i remember the better.

but then again there are these entries.......

i wonder sometimes- what will become of me?