power[less]ful

cold feet, cold heart. NO, that's not true. what the fuck is true. what is reality. what is your perception and why is it so different than mine? contradiction creates chaos and i'm in the midst of an internal battle i can't seem to win. i find myself struggling with the same issues i did 4 years ago, just different circumstances but the SAME DAMN THING. rewind. inhale, exhale, put some socks on and get on with life. it's so easy. it's so hard. it's so damn hard that it hurts butwait fade to anger -> resentment -> hurt -> avoidance -> ignore -> NUMBnumbNumb... same cycle, different theory, different everything but it comes full circle, the SAME DAMN THING.

stop.

this is excessive, this is unneeded. this is completely needed. i am my own salvation, my own interpretation, my answers and questions. everything i think, say, or feel, is all a result of my own self-made reality clashing with yours.

don't give me that disapproving nod, don't lecture or chastise me. i am who i am and will interact with myself in the way i choose fit. there's no getting around that. the most you can do is influence me and even i can't trust that.

it's getting better, though. maybe the curtain is no further up but at least i see some light now. i'm not so much in the dark as i once was. now all i need to do is learn the talent of coping with external factors that i cannot change [for the better].

sigh and breath.

it's done.