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sept 27, 2005 11:50 a.m.

walk with that upside down smile

I am denying everything, everything being the emotions and feelings that are surging just below the surface of this blank face you see. There is something inside this vessel I won�t let you see� and I pretend.

I jack up my music so loud that I can�t hear my thoughts, can�t feel this pain. Anything to bring it down to a simmer where I can control it, contort it, squash it and kill it. And then it�s gone, almost as if it were never there.

You see, I really don�t care at all.

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