.

latest | older | sign | notes | profile | email | host

apr 23, 2005 6:39 p.m.

i blame the full (fool) moon

i sit here with these emotions trying to disassociate from them in a way that is perceived as running away. maybe i am, maybe i don't care because i'm used to it. i can't handle the pressure of other people's negative thoughts weighing on me, weighing me down. i just want to be in a position where the thoughts of others and their actions won't harm or affect me. i want to be in a place of complete indifference where i just don't give a shit because sometimes giving a shit takes too much out of me. and yes, maybe i prefer to be behind closed doors because i'm an outsider, i'm not like you. and yes, maybe i prefer to look down at my food instead of you because i feel inferior, feel like i have nothing to contribute that would be understood. i crave to be understood by those willing and in here i am trapped, trapped within my own thoughts and anxiety brought by cirsumstances i'd rather not dwell on. but like he said, "i don't dwell on it, it dwells on me"... the only thing left for me is to sit at this computer and type out these thoughts because i just can't find any other way of coping at the moment.

< frozen - melting >