broken hysteria

i'm laying on the bed watching the fan twirl about as a shadow not of its own emerges and surprises me with an unpredicted smile. you would think this is the life; you would think this was an opinion unstirred from past experiences. and maybe it is. and maybe it isn't. and maybe, it doesn't matter. but this moment matters. this smile matters, first hidden but freely shown. this is courage, this is strength. admitting your own weaknesses to yourself and being ok with that. this is expression. this is expression of pent up words and ideas formulated through one ongoing thought that just seems to have no end but many directions.

and yes, there's a hole in the sky.

but there's a hole in my heart that this just seems to fill.