empowering yet isolating

yesterday i graduated.

moving on, though.

here i am, tired. i've been tired for a long time. this is just a rest, one of many, in this time i have here.

i see things getting better.. but i also acknowlege the constraints. my own inabilities and delinquencies i'm trying to fix. it takes time. i realized some time ago that i can't fix other people's problems and people can't fix mine. it is an individual process that is most isolating.

don't think me cold, please. don't think me insensitive or that i don't care. i just see the futility of looking towards others for the desire of change or happiness. i'm just trying to show you..

so for now, i smile. a weak smile, but a smile that is sincere and wanting. things will change. things are getting better, and yes, there is hope. what i've come to understand though, is that hope is not just an idea or feeling or something that just is. hope is something that requires effort and a desire to have. hope is like change: it's up to you.

and with that, i'll end.