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sept 30, 2003 9:34 a.m.

cravings

it's so terribly difficult to not give into the overwhelming temptations to embrace my old self and fall into the thinking that NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME and why am i even trying to be like them when all i will be is this waif of a girl in a shell that is much too intoxicating for me to handle because i'm spinning now DIZZY DIZZY and i'm laughing like a delusional maniac because i'm giving in and it feels so goddamn fucking good and don't you see that i can't help it don't you see that i WANT it but i don't need it so i hesitantly let go of the urges that grip me and it's so torturingly painful to give away a part of me that i've known for much too long.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!!!

[that] these small moments of insanity keep me sane.. .

< frozen - melting >