struggle to leave this

i feel it getting to me--this negativity i feel. it wants to consume me.. and i can't help but secretly crave it. the need for its masochistic comfort. it's so hard to pull away from its grasp. but i am trying. i know i can overcome this, but there's this voice in the back of my head that asks if i want to.

it's like a drug--an addiciton--a mental addiction that made me feel alive and dead at the same time. but this isn't healthy and i can't keep doing this. for my sake i have to fight this...

(my thoughts are trying to kill me)