we have the power to kill the lies [of our minds]

things have been ok.

not exuberantly astounding, not overwhelmingly great. but ok.

and i'm fine with this.

i'm fine with work, even though it blows. i no longer dwell on unleashing my invisible uzi on my co-workers. i no longer dwell on how my bills exceed my paychecks and howthefuck am i going to continue to live in hawaii when it's so damn expensive. i no longer dwell on the pain my grandparents caused me in my childhood. i no longer dwell on what a fucked-up mom i have, or how i'm 19 and going to school and supporting myself. and i no longer dwell on the fact that i have ceased communication with a family who was never worth involving myself with, anyway.

i think about it, but i don't dwell on it. and why should i?

i'm happier now than i ever have been in my life. not happy, but happier, and right now that's good enough for me. things will change and things will get better, and not because of circumstance but because i choose to make things better.

we're all capable of so much and most of us don't even know it. we have the power to change things. and we can, if we believe and have faith in ourselves.

for once in my life, i have faith in myself to change my life for the better. i'm taking control, and in turn, taking the control away from negativity. because when you go on thinking self-depricating thoughts, that's what you're really doing. you're allowing some other force other than yourself take control of your life. and you'll end up in a place most of you are and don't want to be.

so take control.

i did.