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jun 14, 2003 12:03 p.m.

a story about a girl

emotions really are a hassle.

a lot of times i find myself devestated at the smallest of things. sometimes i don't feel anything at all.

[strange, she mused.]

i find my relationships with people hibited because of my continuous need to manipulate the feelings of those around me.

but what, she mused again, would happen if one of those individuals were made aware of this behavior? would they still feel the same way about her?

uncertain. the truth is used as a weapon many a time as retaliation against anger, hurt, betrayal... as time went on, it became harder to keep the facades up. they saw past most of them. they saw past each one except the facade that never was. it got to the point where they didn't believe her feelings anymore. and this made her very sorry, indeed. this made her desperate. but she would not show it. oh, no... not even a glimpse for fear that they would use it against her. and she was afraid. very afraid. her shield was fragile enough. she knew she would break at the smallest of doubt--and break she would.

so when they mocked her truth--disregarded her message--a little part of her died again. in the saddest of ways, her past mission of manipulation worked.

& all that was left was her broken facade--the facade that was actually real.

but soon even that faded away.

< frozen - melting >