the chain of insecurity

insecurity is a bitch.

i've been thinking about that a lot lately. my insecurities.

i have a lot. many are self-induced. yes, you heard right; i purposely make myself insecure. i've been trying to uncover why, though.

perhaps it's a shield. it keeps people from getting too close. it keeps me from straying too far from the 'safe' haven of my mind.

well, you see, i'm beginning to wonder how safe my mind really is.

i've secretly corrupted myself. more and more i am seeing this. i have no one to blame but myself. i acknowledge my issues and i know i should move past them, but still i don't.

it's as if i don't want to leave this mind set i have. hate it as i may, it somehow makes me feel real. i know i talk a lot about this in here. i seem to have this obsession with it. i loath fakeness. yet at the same time i know i can be fake.

i am fake because i am insecure. i want to get to the point where i am confident enough in myself to be myself and not apologize for my flaws.

the voices in my head tell me differently, however.

i must find a way to quiet them. only when they are stilled, can i find a way to move past this block of insecurity.

the question is, am i strong enough - or rather willing - to try.

we shall see.