blind to illusion

i don't fit in either

i'm not depressed

but i'm not happy

i don't fit in either world

anymore

i am alone

you see me

i'm with you

but i'm alone

you see me

and i smile

and i laugh

but i'm hurting inside

you see me

so loud and confident

but inside

i'm uncertain and scared

you see me

i look happy

but i'm doing it just for you

i'm making myself seem that

for you

you see me

i look sad

i am sad

but you don't know the whole story

so i tell you anything

for you to feel better

you see me

i'm crying

and i'm in pain

you see me

and that is real

and not fake

but i don't want you to see that

you see me

arrogant and defiant

this is me

losing confidence

in myself

you see me

uncaring and insensitive

this is me

blocking the hurt

and trying to break away from you

this is me running away

from the pain

you see me

and i look satisfied

and maybe i am

but it's for the wrong reasons

and you'll never know

you see me

and i'm kissing you

because i love you

but that's not only why

you see me

and you don't understand

what you see

but i do

and i won't ever say

you see me

and i'm wiping your tears

inside, i'm hurting for you

and i want to take that pain

because i know i can handle it

when you cannot

you see me

and i'm angry

and i'm most likely pissed off as hell

and yes, i want to hurt you

but that's only because i'm hurt

you see me

and you don't know why i'm acting a certain way

well, i'm pretending, you see

it's only a facade to make you think differently

because i'm fucked up beyond repair

you see me

and i'm serious

because one can only fake the laughter for so long

and i need you to know that

you see me

and i�m suicidal

this is me weak

and without hope

this is me dying inside

you see me

and i�m high

this is me escaping

from reality

because i can be strong

but in that moment

i can�t

you see me

and i�m being stupid

this is me

trying not to be me

because sometimes

i make myself sick

you see me

and i'm honest

about all of this

because i trust you enough to betray me

and sometimes i just need that pain

you see me

but you don't understand

and you probably never will

you see me

but you don't

you see an illusion

something that�s not there

you see me

but you don't really

see me