tears

i cried again today.

it's weird how the simple action of folding up clothes can conjur up so many bad memories from the past.

it didn't have to be that way...

i don't like thinking about my past. i thought i got to the point of being able to talk and think about these things without crying.

i guess not.

i glanced at my reflection while crying and it was like i was that little girl again.

i always try to act strong... i try and exude a confidence and strength i've never had. i end up pushing the hurt back inside.

deeper and deeper.

deep enough that i think it's gone. but it's not. it's never really gone. it's there, buried.

but right now it's not. i'm crying for what was and what will be.

i'm crying for that girl who refused to cry.