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nov 29, 2001 7:03 a.m.

drowning

i think i knew at the time that i did it for my own reasons.

i thought i needed that something.. and also because i was scared. deep down, i was really scared.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again. i'm such a coward.

now i'm dealing with the after effects of my decision. they have been continuous and nonstopping.

i've really made a mess of things, haven't i? but when haven't i... sighs.

there are really a lot of things i need to change about myself. i'm still going through that process of self-improvement. this will take a great deal of time, i see that now.

it's worse for the people involved. they were innocent of intentions. so was i in the beginning. now i am just going on, unsure of how to react and act. unsure of what i feel. unsure of anything in general.

blindly lost in a pool of uncertainty.

i'm drowning.

with no one to rescue me.

i'm on my own now.

drowning in a pool.

and eventually, i won't come up.

< frozen - melting >