self-indulgence

I thought I killed myself lastnight.

I really thought I did.

I took my time

& indulged in the pain.

I felt

every...

single...

stab...

& loved it.

All the while hating myself

because it felt so good.

In half-mad delight

I cry towards a release I'll never experience.

Over and over

I hear the chanting

"dying a little, is ok"

they say.

& I believe them

'cause only they can love me

when I, myself, cannot.

It feels so right

when I die a little.

If you want

I'll kill you too

just a little.

With my mind

sharper than any blade felt

swifter than any bullet in your head.

Join me

in my ecstacy

of pure evil.

I'll show you how to drive the

nail...

in...

deeper...

The second it takes

to know without a doubt

that you are loved by the pain.

Surrounded by no one

I am dying just a little.

& if I continue

maybe I can die

just a little more.

Then I won't feel anything.

Just like you.

-End

............................

i indulged lastnight.

who would have thought i would have, so soon after i had predicted it?

i'm in half denial so i'm ok right now.

half.

never whole.