a year's change

well, here i am again.

i miss so many people right now. i want to talk to so many people right now... sighs.

i guess i'm in one of those reflective moods. i'm quiet, but not sad. fancy that. just thinking about how much things have changed in the last year. how much i've changed. it's weird when i think about it. it's like, i've come such a long way from where i was. but i've gained and lost alot of things on the way.

i've gained a sense of contentment with life. an acceptance, i guess you could say. there may be alot of things i'm not happy with or don't understand, but i've come to grips with it. i no longer am trying to fight a war i'll never win, nor depress myself thinking about it.

i've also gained some sense in this head of mine. i realize things now and know not to do certain pastimes i was doing.

i'm more at peace with myself. sure, i have gripes about things.. i still feel certain inadequacies, but who doesn't? the fact that i've come to terms with this has shown me that there has been improvement.

i'm also reconnecting with my spiritual side again. i think this has helped. over the year, i've let stupid things which don't really matter consume my time. such a waste.

but you can't have good without the bad.

i've lost an innocence i had. i know i can't get that back. i was so naive to things.. sometimes i wish i could go back to that. with that loss came a more suspicious nature. i don't know if that's a bad thing entirely, but it's certainly not good.

i've done things i should have known better than to do. i made myself learn things the hard way when i promised myself i wouldn't. and now that i've done these things, what does that make me? i'm no better than anyone else. i cannot judge. i never should have.

so many things..sighs. but i've learned.

i've learned.

and if i haven't yet, i will.

just give me some time.