a walk

today i had one of those moments where i felt utterly alone.

it was right before dinner. i took a walk outside.. and i followed a path i never took before.

at first, there were people, houses, grass, etc. as i continued on, though, it became quieter and more desolate.

i eventually came upon an area that no one was near.

just me and my thoughts.

and as i sat there, beside myself, i came to a conclusion:

I DON'T WANT THIS

at that moment a struggle was going on inside of me. a decision was going to be made.

i contemplated not going home tonight. perhaps, i thought, my place is not here. and if not here, then where?

this isn't cutting it. I'M NOT CUTTING IT

then i thought of all the people i have encountered in my life. what they have taught me, what i have learned from it. if i ever applied any of it to my life..

i think this is a problem. i know what to do. so why don't i do it? what am i afraid of? what am i trying to avoid? the truth? myself? the truth of myself?

? � ?

as i sat there thinking these things, i noticed it was getting dark. "why go home?" i thought. it's not my home. it's just a house i reside in because i don't have a choice.

"you do have a choice"

so what will i choose?

...........

my time is not yet finished.

............

as the moon baked its light on the path i was to take, i made my way toward the dying sounds of the living.