silence

i need silence.

i find myself trying to obtain it whenever i can. it's as if i'm in a room with all this noise around me and i'm covering my ears but it's not enough. i keep trying to make excuses to leave the room but something always pulls me back into the chaos.

it is very loud right now.

too much stuff is going on. too much to handle. how can i keep going when i can't go any further? the strength is gone and all i'm left with is my mind berating my weakness.

the noise is deafening.

i close my eyes, searching for a place inside where there is no more worry, anxiety, pressure, or pain. a utopia made of serene silence capturing all that is needed and nothing which is not.

a place that doesn't exist.

a place i will never know.