realization

have you ever come to a certain conclusion that made you really angry and hurt at the same time?

of course you have.

i've come to one of those conclusions myself today.

it's not really a startling revelation or anything..just something that has been floating around in the back of my head for some time.

thing is, it's in my face now.

and i have to deal with it.

oh sure, i've gone through the whole thing before..

blah, blah, blah...

boring.

nah, it won't be a big deal. it doesn't deserve that much of my time to be a big deal.

it sux nonetheless, though.

i won't lie and say it doesn't.

sighs.

i find myself grasping toward an image of someone who is no longer there. i find myself struggling to retain that which i held so dearly.

but there is nothing to grasp on to any longer.

it's like a rope that has run out.

you could hold on to it for a time...but eventually you will reach the end of it.

and that end is here.

denial was that rope.

denial's a bitch.

so now that the rope is gone.. what do i do now?

quite honestly, i don't know.

maybe it will come to me through some prophetic dream. perhaps it will come to me through one of those rare, intelligent thoughts or advice from a friend.

or maybe i'll forget the rope and move on.

easier said then done, i know.

worth a shot, though, right? i mean, what else is there for me to do? i've done everything that can be done. to my knowledge anyhow...

i guess there are those reflective times when everything comes together. when you see things for how they really are, and the facade is no more. basically, you see the truth.

it doesn't help the hurt, though..

nor the memories.