decision

i know what i have to do.

of all things.. lord help me.

i'm strangely calm about this..disturbingly enough. i feel like i should be freaking out or something..but i guess i've done enough of that these last 2 weeks.

i never thought i would do this. i guess this is what it has come down to, though.

sighs.

what the hell am i doing... i must be on crack. i am on crack. this is my excuse..

i'm mental, this isn't real. this is just a nightmare i will wake from.

i wish it were as easy as that.

reality lost, dream realized..a year in the making.

you don't understand what i am saying, i understand that... it's crap. that's all it is.

i feel sick right now..