uncontrolled emotion

new years was fun. then it rained in the morning.

i love the rain.

it put me in one of those nostolgic moods. i like that because it's like my mind is free and i see things in a whole different way..

i'm sure you know what i mean.

anyways..

i recently become aware of a fault of mine. i'm not sure what it is, though. i know what it is, but i just don't know how to label it. i thought it was jealousy but a person i talked to called it justified anger/hurt.

maybe i should explain.

well.. how do i put it? ok, i know.

i don't really expect alot from people. or really anything for that matter. so when they give me their attention..per say..i appreciate it alot. positive attention, anyhow. and when they suddenly stop giving it..it hurts. and it's like, i can't stop the emotions which make me want to close up. i get defensive with them, then. and i feel jealous of the people that they give their attention to.

sighs.

i hope this doesn't sound dumb.

i wish i wasn't like this. i hate it that i don't have the degree of control over my emotions that i would like to.

maybe with time, though.

i hope so.